[nilesfunnies] Divorce case

Divorce case in court:

Counsel for prosecution: "You are the plaintiff's gardener?"

Gardener: "Yes."

Counsel: "Please tell the court in your own words what took place on the day in question."

Gardener: "I were in the garden and I seen the missus come down the garden and go into the woodshed. Then I seen that co-respondent fella come in the back gate and go into the woodshed."

Counsel: "Please continue"

Gardener: "After a few minutes, I went and looked through the keyhole in the woodshed door and I seen . . . "

Judge: "Just a moment, my man. Is your evidence likely to be embarrassing to those in the public gallery?"

Gardener: "Dunno about that, but I seen . . "

Judge: "Please wait. I think I should hear this evidence in camera."

Gardener: "'Ere, what's this camera business?"

Judge: "Nothing for you to worry about, it's just a technicality of the court proceedings that you wouldn't understand. Clear the court!"

The court is then cleared.

Judge: "Will the witness please proceed."

Gardener: "As I were saying, I went and looked through the keyhole in the woodshed door and I seen the co-respondent backscuttling the missus."

Judge: "Backscuttling? Backscuttling? I don't believe I am acquainted with that term."

Gardener: "Arr, that be one of the technicalities of f*cking what you wouldn't understand, but you should have been there with your bloody camera!"