nilesfunnies

Monday, January 17, 2005

[nilesfunnies] Fw: Good news, or what?



Hmmm -- if you receive one of these, I'd be inclined to take it with a
pinch of salt.

n

= starts =

The Earl Marshal's Office,
Buckingham Palace,
London SW1A 1AA
Ref: HMG/1066&allthat/succession/

I am commanded to inform you that documents have come to light in
the Royal Archive establishing beyond doubt that you are the
successor in title to HRH Prince Kevin, the true first-born child of
HM Queen Victoria and HRH Prince Albert of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha, born
illegimately a year prior to the birth of HRH Prince Edward (later
Edward VII, the King-Emperor).

Your great-great-grandfather's birth was kept quiet for fear of
scandal, and he was raised in secret in Cowes, Isle of Wight.

My further researches reveal that HRH Prince Kevin secretly married
on a number of occasions into the Royal Houses of Hapsburg, Romanov,
and he also entered into a treaty with Abraham Lincoln under which
(in return for aid during the American Civil War) the United States
of America will revert to a monarchy as the United Principalities of
North America. By a series of seemingly implausible quirks of fate,
you are his Sole Inheritor.

On hearing the news, HM Queen Elizabeth agreed immediately to
abdicate in your favour; the European Union has declared World War
One and Two null and void; and both Russia and the United States of
America have renounced their republican status. His Holiness the
Pope has stated his intention to abdicate in your favour. The crowns
of Rohan and Gondor are yours too, as is that of Ruritania.

Upon the completion of one or two trifling formalities, you will
therefore be enthroned as King-Emperor of Great Britain and her
Dominions, Territories, Colonies and Possessions; Tsar of All
Russias; Kaiser of the German Federation; Supreme Pontiff of the
Western Church; and Emperor of the Principalities of North America,
and Sovereign Prince of all lands omitted for brevity herein.

Protocol requires that these formalities are completed outside your
realms, e.g. the Netherlands. Accordingly, please sell your house
(you will own well over a hundred palaces so you will have no need
of it) and send £250,000 in cash to my office to cover the necessary
Royal set-up costs.

For security reasons, you are required to keep this information
confidential till your claim is processed. This is a precautionary
measure to avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse.

To file your claim, please contact our fiduciary within a week,
quoting ref: HMG/1066&allthat/succession/ in all correspondence.

Eric Earl-Marshall,
Maximum Finance And Security BV.
Avesunamastraat 107,
Amsterdam, Netherlands
Tel: +31-651-954-640
Fax: +31-642-565-060
Email: maximumfinance04@netscape.net

All major credit cards accepted. Never knowingly undersold.

= ends =



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