[nilesfunnies] Fw: Today's Stock Market Report

Today's Stock Market Report


Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary.

Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.

Knives were up sharply.

Cows steered into a bull market, while pencils lost a few points.

Hiking equipment was trailing.

Elevators rose, escalators continued their slow decline.

Weights were up in heavy trading.

Light switches were off.

Mining equipment hit rock bottom and nappies remained unchanged.

Shipping lines stayed at an even keel.

The market for raisins dried up, while Coca Cola fell flat.

Caterpillar stock inched up a bit.

Balloon prices were inflated.

Scott Tissue touched a new bottom as The Sun peaked at midday.

And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.



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