[nilesfunnies] Fw: Patrick and Michael were walking along in a forest, when Patrick falls

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Patrick and Michael were walking along in a forest, when Patrick falls
over and breaks his leg on a tree root.

In agony, Patrick turns to Michael and says "Quick, call me an
ambulance!".

Michael replies " Okay I'll just go to that public telephone we saw
earlier down the path - I'll be back in five minutes. ".

A duck walks into a bar...

Animal control is promptly called, the duck is then taken to a near by
park and released.

Why did the deaf man take his parrot to work?

He was weird.

What's the difference between a post box and a vagina?

A post box is a public container for the deposit of outgoing mail, and a
vagina is the passage leading from the opening of the vulva to the cervix
of the uterus in female mammals.

Why do Mexicans not like going out in the rain?

It's wet.

A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says "Why the long face?". The
horse replies:

"I'm deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and
the extent to which I am now protected by law."

Knock knock

Who's there?

The wallet inspector!

Ditch the jokes and come inside, Tim, it's fucking cold.

A chicken begins crossing the street and is hit by several fast moving
metal boxes with wheels.

A Blonde and a Brunette jump off a tall building at the same time. Who
hits the ground first?

Both of them hit the ground at the same time. Hair colour doesn't affect
acceleration due to gravity.

A man walks into a bar.

He is an alcoholic whose drinking problem is destroying his family.

What's worse then finding a worm in your apple?

The Holocaust.

Why was six afraid of seven?

It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.

A man walks into a whorehouse and pays a prostitute for sex. He contracts
an STD and passes it onto his pregnant wife. Their child is born deformed
and has a difficult life.

When asked if he could see the humour in the situation, the child replied
"No. No I don't."

A man called a lawyer and asked, "How much will you charge me to answer
three questions?"

The lawyer said "$400."

"Wow," said the man. "Isn't that a lot?"

"I guess so." said the lawyer. "When are you going to ask your questions?"

ANDREW

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