[nilesfunnies] Fw: "Why aren't there any Mexicans on Star Trek?"

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"Why aren't there any Mexicans on Star Trek?"

"Well, that's a highly debatable assumption. First, one only sees a small
fraction of the Terran population on the show, so there is no reason to
assume that any ethnic group is unrepresented in that vision of the
future. Secondly, there have been several notable characters played by
actors of Hispanic descent. Recently, these include Robert Beltran
(Chakotay) and Roxann Dawson (B'Elanna Torres). Interestingly enough,
Dawson seems to have changed her last name from Caballero, perhaps in
order to reduce the risk of being typecast because of her ethnicity. Star
Trek in general seems to be very progressive with respect to using diverse
casts, as evidenced by the first interracial kiss on The Original Series,
and the introduction of Chekov during the height of the Cold War."

What's the difference between a dog and a fox?

One is of the genus canis, the other is of the genus vulpis

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag.
One is a famous singer songwriter facing charges of child molestation and
the other's a shopping bag.

A penguin is driving through the desert when his car starts making
horrible noises. He manages to get the car into a small town before it
finally stalls out in the middle of the street. He gets out of the car
and, hiking through the hot desert afternoon, sweat pouring down his
penguin brow, he locates the town's car repair shop.

"Excuse me, sir," the penguin says as he approaches the mechanic. "My
car's broken down a little way down the street. I was hoping you could
help me."

The mechanic pauses for a moment, then shakes his head. "No, I can't help
you," he says.

"Why not?" asks the penguin.

"Because you're another hallucination, and I have to close the shop down
now and take my medication and maybe take a nap so that it can take
effect." The mechanic slams the door in the penguin's face.

The penguin, stunned and dismayed, wanders around town for another hour,
but he can't find anyone to help him. Unaccustomed to such sweltering,
overwhelming heat, and unable to find shelter of any sort from the intense
afternoon sun, the penguin soon succumbs to the heat and dies

Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella around?

In case it should rain.

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I imagine it would take a great many. Mice would find it difficult to
reach a ceiling light fitting, and would individually lack the strength or
dexterity required to turn a bulb in such a socket. Even if you had enough
mice to lend their strength to such an endeavour, the chances of them
having the intelligence and wherewithal to perform such a complex activity
is really quite low.

A blonde girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on
the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she
says.

"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.

"I said 'I'LL BE BACK TOMORROW AFTERNOON TO PICK UP MY DRESS'," says the
girl, this time louder.

A man walks past a bar and sees a sign which says "PERFORM THE THREE FEATS
AND WIN A MILLION DOLLARS!" Thinking that a million dollars sounds like a
great idea, he goes inside and asks the bartender what the deal is.

"First," says the bartender, "you have to chug this entire bottle of
vodka. Second, there's a crocodile in the back room with a bad tooth. You
have to pull it. Third, there's an eighty-five year old woman in the back
who's never had sex. You have to have sex with her."

The guy think it over and says "okay, sure. You have a deal!" He grabs the
bottle of vodka and, with little effort due to the fact that he's
basically a professional alcoholic anyway, downs it. Then he slams the
empty bottle down and goes into the back room. There's a lot of screaming,
some growling, and various crashing sounds. Finally a silence falls upon
the bar. Minutes pass, then an hour. Finally the bartender sends a barmaid
back to see what's going on. A few minutes later, she comes back out.

"What's he doing?" asks the bartender.

"What's left of him is back there in the croc pen," she says, her
horrified face pale with shock. "His clothes are tossed in the corner. I
think he tried to fuck the croc. The croc...the croc ate him."

"Oh, Jesus," whispers the bartender. "Jesus."

Nobody says a word.

A guy decides to buy a new ceiling fan, but the salesman says, "Well I'm
all out of tunafish."

So the guy says louder, "I want a ceiling fan."

But the salesman says, "I told you, I'm all out of tunafish."

The guy frustrated, yells, "I WANT A CEILING FAN!"

The customer, now irate, realises that the salesman was actually a
mentally impaired vagrant who had wandered into the store.

ANDREW

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