[nilesfunnies] Harry Potter's wang

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Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word
"wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
Let's see the results...

"Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
"Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled,
ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an'
everything

A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking
forward to.

"Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It
wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she
was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long,
swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
"Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven
inches. "

Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He
raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty
air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework,
throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

"Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang,
tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will
notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had
still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the
troll's nostrils.

He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was
covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of
slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the
dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

Ok
I have found, definitive proof
that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
"Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into
the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying,
but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his
mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and
he didn't want to... or did he?
O_______O
Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end
of his wang

Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery
substance with its tip.

'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they
struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left
hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.

--
Niles, Nottingham |
ICQ UIN 12724766 | A picture was worth a thousand words...
| ... but that was before they devalued the word
www.niles.org.uk | Tom Lehrer