[nilesfunnies] Fw: A jewish dictionary

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JEWBILATION n. Pride in finding out that one's favourite celebrity is
Jewish.

TORAHFIED n. Inability to remember one's lines when called to read from
the
Torah at one's Bar or Bat Mitzvah.

SANTASHMANTA n. The explanation Jewish children get for why they celebrate
Hannukah while the rest of humanity celebrates Christmas.

MATZILATION v. Smashing a piece of matzo to bits while trying to butter
it.

BUBBEGUM n. Candy one's mother gives to her grandchildren that she never
gave to her own children.

CHUTZPAPA n. A father who wakes his wife at 4:00 a.m. so she can change
the
baby's diaper.

DISORIYENTA n. When Bubbe gets lost in a department store and strikes up a
conversation with anyone and everyone she passes.

GOYFER n. A Gentile messenger.

JEWDO n. A traditional form of self defense based on talking one's way out
of a tight spot.

MAMATZAH BALLS n. Matzo balls that are as good as mother used to make.

MEINSTEIN slang for: "My son, the genius."

MISHPOCHAMARKS n. The assorted lipstick and make-up stains found on one's
face and collar after kissing all one's aunts and cousins at a reception.

RE-SHTETLEMENT n. Moving from Brooklyn to Florida and finding all your old
neighbors live in the same condo as you.

ROSH HASHANANA n. A rock 'n roll band from Brooklyn.

YIDENTIFY vb. To be able to determine ethnic origins of celebrities even
though their names might be St. John, Curtis, Davis, or Taylor.

MINYASTICS n. Going to incredible lengths and troubles to find a tenth
person to complete a minyan.

FEELAWFUL n. Indigestion from eating Israeli street food.

DISKVELLIFIED vb. To drop out of law school, med school or business school
as seen through the eyes of parents, grandparents, and Uncle Sid. In
extreme cases, simply choosing to major in art history when Irv's son,
David, is majoring in biology, is sufficient grounds for
diskvellification)