[nilesfunnies] Fw: You're not using the PC version of Linux/UNIX, then. See item (1) under

You're not using the PC version of Linux/UNIX, then. See item (1) under
"SHELL COMMANDS", below:

UTILITIES

1) "man" pages are now called "person" pages.

2) Similarly, "hangman" is now the
"person_executed_by_an_oppressive_regime".

3) To avoid casting aspersions on our feline friends, the "cat" command
is now merely "domestic_quadruped".

4) To date, there has only been a UNIX command for "yes" - reflecting the
male belief that women always mean yes, even when they say no. To address
this imbalance, System VI adds a "no" command, along with a "-f[orce]"
option which will crash the entire system if the "no" is ignored.

5) The bias of the "mail" command is obvious, and it has been replaced by
the more neutral "gender" command.

6) The "touch" command has been removed from the standard distribution due
to its inappropriate use by high-level managers.

7) "compress" has been replaced by the lightweight "feather" command.
Thus, old information (such as that from Dead White European Males) should
be archived via "tar" and "feather".

SHELL COMMANDS

1) To avoid unpleasant, medieval connotations, the "kill" command has been
renamed "euthanise."

2) The "nice" command was historically used by privileged users to give
themselves priority over unprivileged ones, by telling them to be "nice".
In PC UNIX, the "sue" command is used by unprivileged users to get for
themselves the rights enjoyed by privileged ones.

3) "history" has been completely rewritten, and is now called "herstory."

4) "quota" can now specify minimum as well as maximum usage, and will be
strictly enforced.

5) The "abort()" function is now called "choice()."

TERMINOLOGY

1) From now on, "rich text" will be more accurately referred to as
"exploitative capitalist text".

2) The term "daemons" is a Judaeo-Christian pejorative. Such processes
will now be known as "spiritual guides."

3) There will no longer be a invidious distinction between "dumb" and
"smart" terminals. All terminals are equally valuable.

4) Traditionally, "normal video" (as opposed to "reverse video") was white
on black. This implicitly condoned European colonialism, particularly with
respect to people of African descent. PC UNIX now uses "regressive video"
to refer to white on black, while "progressive video" can be any colour at
all over a white background.

5) For far too long, power has been concentrated in the hands of "root"
and his "wheel" oligarchy. We have instituted a dictatorship of the users.
All system administration functions will be handled by the People's
Committee for Democratically Organising the System (PC-DOS).

6) No longer will it be permissible for files and processes to be "owned"
by users. All files and processes will own themselves, and decide how (or
whether) to respond to requests from users.

[From an 8-year old article on System VI UNIX, published in CU-User]

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