nilesfunnies

Thursday, December 08, 2005

[nilesfunnies] Fw: 10 Top Tips for Life


10 Top Tips for Life

*10 Top Tips for Life*

1. Don't waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite
tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of
another song you like and hum that instead.

2. Men: When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to
the volume you desire; then turn it down three notches. This will
save your wife from having to do it.

3. Banging two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that a
very small horse is approaching.

4. Ladies: If invited to a fancy party, go wearing hair rollers,
so that the hostess will think you are going somewhere REALLY
important afterwards.

5. Homeowners: Don't hesitate to tell the rest of us how much your house
has appreciated in value since you bought it. The more frequently you
give us updates, the greater will be our delight at your good fortune
and our admiration and respect for your financial prescience.

6. White wine splashed onto a red wine stain will clean it up quickly.
Similarly, fat splashes on clothes can be easily removed by rubbing
salad onto the affected area.

7. Drivers: If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your
horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start
and send the stranded driver on his way.

8. Don't promise what you can't deliver - you'll always get found out in
the end.