[nilesfunnies] Fw: Christ mass yse a cummin in

OPERATION ORDER 12-97 FOR: OFFICIAL VISIT OF LTG SANTA CLAUS

1. An official staff visit by LTG Claus is expected at this post on 25
Dec. The following directives govern activities of all Army personnel
during the visit.

a. Not a creature will stir without permission. This includes warrant
officers and mice. Soldiers may obtain special stirring permits for
necessary administrative action through the Battalion S-1. Officer
stirring permits must be obtained through the Deputy, Post Plans and
Policy Office.

b. All personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap NLT
2200 hours, 24 December. Uniform for the nap will be; Pajamas,
Cotton, Light Weight, General Purpose, OG, and Cap, BDU woodland
pattern, with ear flaps in the extended position. Equipment will be
drawn from the supply room prior to 1900 hours. While at supply, all
personnel will review their personal hand receipts and sign a Cash
Collection Voucher, DD Form 1131, for all missing items. Remember,
this is the "season of giving."

c. Personnel will utilize standard "T" ration sugar plums for visions
to dance through their heads. Sugar plums are available in "T" ration
sundry packs and should be eaten with egg loaf, chopped ham, and spice
cake to ensure maximum visions are experienced.

d. Stockings, Wool, Cushion Sole, will be hung by the chimneys with
care. Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fires
caused by carelessly hung stockings. 1SG's will submit stocking
handling plans to S-3, Training prior to 0800 hours, 24 Dec. All
leaders will ensure their subordinate personnel are briefed on the
safety aspects of stocking hanging.

e. At first [sign] of clatter, all personnel will spring from their
beds to investigate and evaluate the cause. Immediate action will be
taken to tear open the shutters and throw up the window sashes. On
order OPLAN 7-97 (North Pole), para 6-8 (c)(3), dated 4 March, this
office, takes effect to facilitate shutter tearing and sash throwing.
SDO and all CQs will be familiar with procedures and are responsible
for seeing that no shutters are torn or sashes thrown in Bldg 9828
prior to the start of official clatter.

f. Prior to 0001, date of visit, all personnel possessing Standard
Target Acquisition and Night Observation (STANO) equipment will be
assigned "wandering eyeball" stations. The SDNCO will ensure that
these stations are adequately manned even after shutters are torn and
sashes are thrown.

g. The Battalion S-4, in coordination with the National Security
Agency and the Motor Pool will assign on each Sleigh, Miniature, M-24
and eight reindeer, tiny, for use by LTG Claus. The assigned driver
must have a current sleigh operators license with roof top permit and
evidence of attendance at the winter driving class stamped on his DA
Form 348. Driver must also be able to clearly shout "On Dancer, On
Prancer, etc."

2. LTG Claus will initially enter Bldg 9828 through the dayroom. All
offices without chimneys will draw Chimney Simulator, M6A2 for use
during the visit. Draw chimney simulator on DA Form 2765-1 which will
be submitted in four copies to the S-4 prior to 23 Dec. Personnel will
ensure that chimneys are properly cleaned before turn-in at the
conclusion of visit.

3. Personnel will be rehearsed in the shouting of "Merry Christmas and
Happy New Year" or "Merry Christmas To All and To All a Good Night."
This shout will be given upon termination of the visit. Uniformity of
shouting is the responsibility of each section NCOIC.

FOR THE COMMANDER

GOODE, U. B., LTC, OD
Executive Officer

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