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Wednesday, April 19, 2006

[nilesfunnies] Fw: Outsourcing in the USA


Congress today announced that the office of President of the
United States of America will be outsourced to India as of
March 26th, 2006.

The move is being made to save the President's $500,000
yearly salary, and also a record $521 trillion in deficit
expenditures and related overhead the office has incurred
during the last 5 years.

"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost
savings should be significant," stated Congressman Thomas
Reynolds (R-WA). Reynolds, with the aid of the Government
Accounting Office, has studied outsourcing of American jobs
extensively. "We cannot expect to remain competitive on the
world stage with the current level of cash outlay," Reynolds
noted.

Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his
termination. Preparations for the job move have been
underway for sometime.

Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be
assuming the office of President as of April 1, 2006.

Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian
parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him
eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320
(USD) a month but with no health coverage or other benefits.
It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
responsibilities without a support staff due to the time
difference between the US and India, he will be working
primarily at night, when few offices of the US Government
will be open.

"Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell
Computer Call Center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive
interview. "I am excited about this position. I always hoped
I would be President."

A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may
not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office
of President, this should not be a problem because Bush was
not familiar with the issues either.

Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him
to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using
these canned responses, he can address common concerns
without having to understand the underlying issues at all.
"We know these scripting tools work," stated the
spokesperson. "President Bush has used them successfully for
years."

Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary
until his final day of employment. Following a two week
waiting period, he will be eligible for $140 a week
unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be
eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will
exceed the allowed limit.

Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of
Manpower Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his
up coming job transition.

According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in
securing a new position due to limited practical work
experience. A greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due
to Bush's extensive experience shaking hands and goofy
smile.

Sasha

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