[nilesfunnies] Fw: Big Ian

Ian Paisley was electioneering around his hometown of Ballymena
when he was struck on the head by an O'Neills ball from the nearby
All Saints Gaelic Football Club. Big Ian was knocked out cold and
was rushed to the nearest hospital. He slipped into a coma and was
rushed to the Royal Victoria Hospital in Belfast.

There he lay for five years when he suddenly awoke in a frenzied
state. He asked the patient beside him: whats been happening in
Royal Ulster, while I've been asleep?

Well, says yer man in the next bed, "its been non-stop here Liam
Neeson is the Independent Nationalist MP for Baile Menaigh and
North Antrim. Your son, Ian Junior got married there three years
ago, to a lovely girl from Toome. And they've given you another
grandson, I'd say Ian Og must be nearly four years old now." Big Ian
heard this, was devastated and fell back into his coma.

A further five years passed before he awoke again. He turned to the
boy next to him in the ward.

Is that McGuinness still the Minister of Education for Northern
Ireland?

"For where?" the man replied. "Oh, Ian. I've some bad news for you.
Three years ago the Queen apologised for all the trouble she and
her predecessors had caused, and got the hell out while you were
asleep. We have a United Ireland with the Dail based in Crossmaglen
and its working out quite well. McGuinness had to step down though,
hes running the new Ulster GAA museum."

Ha, said Big Ian, happy that something was going his way. Good
enough for him. "Where is the museum?"

"They're using Stormont, no point in it going to waste," he replied,
which so upset Big Ian, he collapsed once more.

Five years later, Ian woke again. He looked sheepishly to his
right, and said to the boy beside him. Whats the latest news, whats
happening here?

Ah Ian, said the young boy, its gone to hell altogether. Rangers
beat Celtic last night. "The tide's turning!" Big Ian thought to
himself.

"Happy days! What was the score?"

"2-21 to 1-17"

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