[nilesfunnies] Fw: Musician humour
Some of this may be a tad esoteric...
What do you call a drummer who doesn't have a girlfriend?
Homeless.
What did the deadhead say when he ran out of pot?
Oh wow, this band really does suck.
What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians?
A lead singer.
What do you do when a musician knocks on your door?
Give him the money and take the pizza.
What's the definition of a gentleman?
Someone who knows how to play the trombone, but chooses not to.
What does it mean when a guitar player is drooling out of both sides
of his mouth?
The stage is level.
What's the difference between a clarinet and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a clarinet.
How many producers does it take to change a lightbulb?
I don't know, what do you think?
What do bass players use for birth control?
Their personality.
How do you get two piccolo players to play a perfect unison?
Shoot one.
What's the difference between a bassoon and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from the bassoon recital.
Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard?
So they can park in the handicapped zones.
What is "perfect pitch?"
When you lob a clarinet into a toilet without hitting the rim.
What's the definition of a nerd?
Someone who owns his own alto clarinet.
What's the difference between a lawn mower and a soprano sax?
You can tune a lawn mower.
How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?
Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David
Sanborn would have done it.
How many trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
Five: one to handle the bulb, and the other four to tell him how much
better they could have done it.
How do you make a trombone sound like a French Horn?
Stick your hand in the bell and play the wrong notes.
What's the difference between a dead trombonist in the road and a
dead country singer in the road?
The country singer may have been on the way to a recording session.
How do you improve the aerodynamics of a trombonist's car?
Take the Dominos Pizza sign off the roof.
What kind of calendar does a trombonist use for his gigs?
"Year At A Glance."
What's the range of a tuba?
About twenty yards, if you have a good arm.
What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A drummer.
What did the timpanist get on his IQ test?
Drool.
How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They have machines to do that now.
"Hey buddy, how late does the band play?"
"Oh, about a half beat behind the drummer."
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