[nilesfunnies] Fwd: It's all in the way you look at it.....
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening
when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She
was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my
5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mum! That lady isn't wearing a
seat belt!"
2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note
from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child
are not necessarily those of his parents."
3) TOMATO SAUCE
A woman was trying hard to get the tomato sauce out of the bottle.
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old
daughter to answer the phone.
"Mummy can't come to the phone to talk to you, because she's hitting
the bottle."
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with
ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched
in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen
a little boy before?"
5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an primary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down
at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?"
"Yes," I answered and continued writing the report.
"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is
that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her.
"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "Would you
please tie my shoelace?"
6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was
barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me "Is that a dog you
got in there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy
looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said,
"What'd he do?"
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organisation that delivers lunches to elderly
people, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.
She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,
particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her
staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced
myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and
whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!&qu ot;
8) DRESS-UPS
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear
that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you
a headache the next morning. "
9) DEATH
While walking along the footpath in front of his church, our minister
heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead
blackbird. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had
secured a small box filled with cotton wool, then dug a hole and made
ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen
to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity i ntoned his
version of what he thought his father always said:
"Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes."
10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just
wasting my time," she said to her mother.
"I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"
11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he
fingered through the old pages.
Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object
and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed
in between the pages.
"Mum, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's
voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear."
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