[nilesfunnies] Fwd: You know you're Australian if -
2. You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.
3. You think it's normal to have a leader called Kevin.
4. You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount
vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse.
5. You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for
something illegal such as watering the garden.
6. You believe it is appropriate to put a rubber in your son's pencil
case when he first attends school.
7. When you hear that an American "roots for his team" you wonder how
often and with whom.
8. You understand that the phrase "a group of women wearing black
thongs" refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.
9. You pronounce Melbourne as "Mel-bin".
10. You pronounce Penrith as "Pen-riff".
11. You believe the "l" in the word "Australia" is optional.
12. You can translate: "Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way
to Maccas."
13. You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its
highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.
14. You call your best friend "a total bastard" but someone you
really, truly despise is just "a bit of a bastard".
15. You think "Woolloomooloo" is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.
16. You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife.
17. You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's
twice as big as its $2 coin.
18. You understand that "Wagga Wagga" can be abbreviated to "Wagga"
but "Woy Woy" can't be called "Woy".
19. You believe that cooked-down axle-grease makes a good breakfast spread.
20. You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they
stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.
21. Hamburger. Beetroot. Of course.
22. You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during
any rendition of the Angels' song Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again.
23. You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionary known
as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.
24. You still don't get why the "Labor" in "Australian Labor
Party" is not spelt with a "u".
25. You wear ugh boots outside the house.
26. You believe, as an article of faith, that every important
discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to
the Yanks for a pittance.
27. You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you
like them.
28. Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order
takeaway fluently in every Asian language.
29. You understand that "excuse me" can sound rude, while "scuse me"
is always polite.
30. You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.
31. You understand that "you" has a plural and that it's "youse".
32. You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle.
33. Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules
for beach cricket.
34. You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what
they call "Anzac cookies".
35. You still think of Kylie as "that girl off Neighbours".
36. When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally
strip-searched by Customs - just in case you're trying to sneak in
fruit.
37. You believe the phrase "smart casual" refers to a pair of black
tracky-daks, suitably laundered.
38. You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction.
39. When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel
the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.
40. You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national
anthem and then have trouble remembering the second.
41. You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed
essential in the government's new test for migrants.
42. You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says "cobber".
43. And you will immediately forward this list to other Australians,
here and overseas, realising that only they will understand.
posted by Niles @ 10:24 PM
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