[nilesfunnies] Fw: My collection (with apologies for length and possible duplications):-

My collection (with apologies for length and possible duplications):-

(I've had this collection for so long I don't know where they originate.)

Hedonist feminist
Sappho the Poetess
Wrote double-dactyls each
Day by the ton.

Ain't it a pity her
Sesquipedalian,
Double-dactylian
Doggerel's done?

Politics! Shmolitics!
Dole the Republican's
Balancing budgets while
Cutting your tax.

This only tells us his
Fiscal perception is
Incomprehensibly
Short on the facts.

Pitter pat, pitter pat.
Noah of Ararat
Heard the rain cease on the
Fortieth night.

Shem, Ham, and Japheth said
Antediluvian
Meteorologists
Called it just right.

Rubaiyat, rubaiyat.
Omar the Tentmaker
Lived on a diet of
Bread and white wine.

His moving finger wrote
Unretrogressively;
Not even cancelling
Half of a line!

Dramatis Personae.
Laurence Olivier
Acting in Hamlet and
Richard the Third

Strutting and fretting like
No other thespian
Overenunciates
Every word.

Woe is me! Woe is me!
Printfest Diana cried,
"Charles and Camilla had
Shared the same bed

So I took a lover
And whispered sweet nothings
Cellularphonically.
Is my face red!"

Higgledy jiggledy.
Strippers who bare it all;
Bellies and bosoms as
Tight as a drum.

Double dactyl has the
Rhythm that complements;
Tum-titty-tum-titty
Tum-titty-tum.

Three little piggledy
Little Red Riding Hood
Skipped through the forest to
Visit her Gran.

A wolf who had got to
Her Grannie's before her
Dematriarchalized
Little Red's clan.

Fairy tale, furry tail.
Crockett of Tennessee.
He put the coonskin in
Millinery.

Spooner thought Davy had
Predated Henry Ford
And "built him a car" when
He was just three.

Halloween. Halloween.
Witches and skeletons,
Goblins and ghosties all
Wearing white sheets.

Magical evening when
All of our children will
Unsymmetrickily
Scurry for treats.

Mac attack! Mac attack!
Mr. and Mrs. Spratt;
He never once ate fat.
She abhorred lean.

So, without cutlery,
Both of them (she and he)
Yinandyangistically
Licked their plate clean.

Tragedy! Tragedy!
Romeo Montagu
By Julie Capulet
Once was possessed.

Families hated this
And our protagonists
Apothecarily
Went to their rest.

Scalene. Isosceles
Math whiz Pythagoras
Thought transmigration was
Good for the mind.

He's better known for his
Infernal triangles;
Hypotenuisances
Of the worst kind.

Warp factor. Warp factor.
Kirk of the "Enterprise".
He's boldly going where
No man has been.

Dressed up in drag he'll beam
Into the ladies' room
Sanctumsanctorumly
Checking the scene.

What a calamity!
Poor Alex Chaffee has
Made the worst error that
He (or she?) can!

Unless I've switched sexes
Since I checked this morning
Physiologically
I'm still a man!

Absolute monarchist
Machiavelli wrote
Practical pointers on
Being a prince.

Thus, we've described all his
Theory's proponents as
Machiavellian
Every day since.

Shish kebab. Shish kebab.
Vlad the Impaler had
All of his enemies
Served "en brochette".

This sharp reminder quite
Infundamentally
Drove a point home that they'd
Never forget.

Immelman? Himmel, man!
Manfred von Richthofen
(Scourge of the sky in the
"War to end war")

Flew a red triplane and
This little Fokker was
Incontrovertibly
Quick on the draw.

Alice in Wonderland's
Charles Lutwidge Dodgson tried
Taking her photograph
Au naturel!

Somewhat suspicious, her
Mother told Dodgson, "She's
Unphotographable -
You go to hell!!"

Missioner. Missioner
Good Doctor Livingstone
"Missing" in Africa's
Dark trackless waste

When Stanley "found" him the
Doc thought his greeting was
Overpresumptuous
And in poor taste.

Pattycake. Watergate.
Tricky Dick Nixon was
Taping (for history)
His own demise.

Played back, it seems the tapes
Characteristically
Range from just stonewalls to
*xpl*t*ve lies.

Chugalug. Chugalug.
Franklin D. Roosevelt,
Pres. 32 of the
U.S. of A.,

Legalized alcohol
And is revered as a
Humanitarian
Since that great day!

Cherry tree. Cherry tree.
Baron von Munchhausen
Mangled the truth with his
Every remark.

All of his narratives
Lacked in veracity
(Terminologically
Wide of the mark!)