[nilesfunnies] Fw: THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF ASBOs

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THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF ASBOs
collected by the Magazine and reported by BBC Online

The battle against anti-social behaviour is still being waged around the
country as the authorities try to crack down on bad manners, abusive
conduct and irritating activities.

Over the past few months, the Magazine has been keeping track of some of
the inventive uses local authorities and courts have made of the
anti-social behaviour order - the Asbo.

There have been some pretty novel, sometimes bizarre, examples.

GET DRUNK, STAY DRUNK

It was when the 15-year-old miscreant was hauled into court that the
problem was first noticed.

Angered by his unruly, boozed-up behaviour, police had hoped magistrates
would punish the youth for breaching his Asbo. He hadn't.

Closer examination revealed that he had mistakenly been ordered not to be
in public "without" alcohol and that he was also duty bound to act in a
threatening manner likely to cause harassment, alarm and distress to
others.

After the boy escaped punishment as a result of the misprint, the
officials behind the mistake were asked to deliver a new Asbo with more
appropriate wording, the Daily Mirror reported.

THEY START 'EM YOUNG

A second clerical error led to an Asbo being threatened against a
youngster who even the most hard-hearted magistrate would find it hard to
punish.

The problem, said the local council, was that neighbours were upset by the
"nuisance and annoyance" caused by the young lad's whizzing around on a
motorbike.

A reasonable complaint perhaps, but as his mother points out, it seems a
little harsh when the boy is still in the womb.

"It must be the first time an unborn child has been threatened with an
Asbo - I just hope it's not an omen," she said after officials apologised.

A DOG NAMED....

That the term "Asbo" has entered the English language was underlined when
it joined "chav" as a new entry in the latest edition of the Collins
English Dictionary.

But its arrival has not just been marked by those responsible for filling
the nation's bookshelves.

The cry "Asbo! Here, Asbo!" saw a Staffordshire bull terrier obediently
scamper to its master's side in one Hull park, poet Ian Killen told the
Guardian.

Working on a project to record unusual dogs' names, the writer discovered
another called Twoc - short for Taken Without Owner's Condent.

"The dog's names are a vivid portrayal of the world their owners live in,"
he told the paper.

BLACK SHEEP OF THE FAMILY

Wrongly accused of eating the flowers from graves in Stroud,
Gloucestershire, Colin the pet black sheep was banned from the cemetery
and threatened with an Asbo.

"I warned [the owner] that if the sheep was guilty then it could face
possible action under the Anti-Social Behaviour Act," one local official
recalled.

Fortunately things never went that far, after a pair of wild deer were
spotted munching the flowers.

Not all stories have a happy ending though. Less than three months after
his ordeal Colin has passed away.

PANTS PUNISHMENT

Lacking the decorum expected of her by neighbours, one young Scot has been
banned from answering the front door in her underwear.

The 27-year-old also faces the threat of jail if she is seen in her garden
or windows in just knickers and a bra.

The mother-of-two suggested fellow residents of East Kilbride got hot
under the collar after she wore an Ann Summers bikini to do the gardening
one steamy summer's day.

"Okay, so it gave me a bit of cleavage, but I don't think I was doing
anything wrong," the Daily Record reported her as saying.

She has been granted legal aid to fight the interim order which, she says,
was the result of a "witch-hunt" that began when her neighbours were given
Asbo diaries to record what she was up to.

STORMY WEATHER

A Manchester father-of-five has escaped an Asbo banning him from his home,
following noisy rows with his new wife. But he has been banned from
getting involved in any more drunken rows with her.

In his defence, the 38-year-old told magistrates: "Yes we have had
arguments in the house, what couple hasn't?... We have sorted our
differences out and as far as I'm concerned that's the end of the matter."
His solicitor told the court that it would be a "dangerous precedent" to
impose an Asbo on a man for rowing with his wife - otherwise anyone in an
argument which disturbs somebody else would be in danger.

There will be a full hearing in July, but in the meantime he mustn't use
bad language or behave threateningly.

'HI, I CAN'T BE TRUSTED'

A trip to the High Street has become that little bit more stressful for
one East Yorkshire man with some 83 shoplifting convictions.

Whenever he enters a shop in the Hull and East Riding area, the
35-year-old must tell staff about his record.

The order lasts three years and means the prolific tea leaf risks jail if
he neglects to mention who he is - even if he's just buying a pint of
milk.

Posters bearing his picture, details and name have been sent to shops
across the area to make things extra awkward for him.

'YES, WE KNOW IT'S CHRISTMAS'

Long before the release of Band Aid 20, the residents of one West Lothian
street were sick of the charitable doings of Bob Geldof and friends.

Armed with a copy of the original version of Do They Know It's Christmas?
a 26-year-old man destroyed his neighbours' festive spirit by repeatedly
playing the song at top volume.

The people living in the flat downstairs started keeping a noise diary -
which soon ran to some 300 pages.

"I used to like that Feed The World song, but last Christmas he played it
dozens of times daily," said one.

Things might be different this year - an Asbo has banned him from playing
loud music, stamping his feet and dropping objects.

A DANCING WEREWOLF

The experience of watching American Werewolf in London had profound
effects for one film fan - and his neighbours.

The 28-year-old was so moved by the 1980s horror that he took to making
wolverine howls for hours on end.

Alarmed neighbours who went to investigate the first outbreak saw him
standing on his windowsill and pretending to dance with a Christmas tree
while moaning loudly.

An Asbo banning him from shouting, swearing, banging windows, moaning and
dumping rubbish was not enough. The howls continued and he was duly jailed
for two months in August.

He has since been jailed for four months and will be spending Christmas in
prison.

WHEEL CLAMP TERROR

In a case to warm the hearts of motorists everywhere, magistrates
successfully turned the power of the Asbo against a rogue wheel clamper.

A 38-year-old public "menace" from Portsmouth was handed a five-year order
for "intimidating and harassing" drivers and "causing distress".

Not only was he clamping cars parked on land where he had no licence to
operate, but he once impounded a police car.

He was also reported to have tried to clamp two cars as they performed
three-point-turns.

He was believed to be one of the first clampers in the UK to be given an
Asbo.

PICNIC SITE SEX

There have been too many people enjoying the great outdoors in one corner
of Lincolnshire.

Families visiting the Stickney picnic area on the A16 were upset to find
they were sharing it with men meeting for casual sex.

After unsuccessfully trying to reclaim the area for villagers by holding a
party there, residents decided to ask for Asbos to be handed to their
unwanted guests.

"We've got a local guide troop that have been excluded from the picnic
area because of the nature of these acts," said parish councillor Brian
Wood.

Should it be decided that Asbos can be used to tackle the problem, locals
will be asked to report any lewd acts they spot.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/4743357.stm

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