[nilesfunnies] Fw: A few (mild) PC catholic jokes

A few (mild) PC catholic jokes
Two Jesuit novices both wanted a cigarette while they prayed. They decided
to ask their superior for permission. The first asked but was told no. A
little while later he spotted his friend smoking and praying. "Why did the
superior allow you to smoke and not me?" he asked. His friend replied,
"Because you asked if you could smoke while you prayed, and I asked if I
could pray while I smoked!"

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A Jesuit, a Dominican, and a Trappist were marooned on a desert island.
They found a magic lamp, and after some discussion decided to rub it. Lo
and behold, a genie appeared and offered them three wishes. They decided
it was only fair that they could each have one wish. The Jezzie said he
wanted to teach at the world's most famous university, and poof, he was
gone! The Dominican wished to preach in the world's largest church, and
poof, he was gone! Then the Trappist said, "Gee, I already got my wish!"

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Jesus was walking along one day, when He came upon a group of people
surrounding a lady of ill repute. It was obvious that the crowd was
preparing to stone her, so Jesus made His now-famous statement, "Let the
person who has no sin cast the first stone." The crowd was shamed and one
by one began to turn away. All of a sudden, a lovely little woman made her
way through the crowd. Finally getting to the front, she tossed a pebble
towards the woman. Jesus looks over and says, "I really hate it when you
do that, Mom."

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A Jewish couple has a son who is a holy terror. When he gets to be of
age, he's kicked out of every school they put him in. Finally desperate,
the father goes to the Rabbi for advice and the Rabbi says put him in the
Catholic school. Shocked, the father asks if the Rabbi sure. "Yes" is the
reply, so the father takes him to the nuns and leaves.

An hour goes by, then two hours, lunch time and finally at three the son
comes in says "Good afternoon Papa, good afternoon Mama," goes to the
table and starts on his homework. The father is amazed and finally ask why
he stayed in school all day and why he is behaving so well. His son looks
up and says "Papa when you left, the Mother Superior told me that they did
not allow rowdy boys, then she took me to my room. Papa they mean
business! They've got a Jew nailed on a Cross in every room!"

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The 98 year old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying. The nuns gathered
around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They gave her
some warm milk to drink but she refused. Then one of the nuns took the
glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received
as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount
into the warm milk. Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to
her lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more and before they knew
it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. "Mother," the
nuns asked with earnest, "please give us some wisdom before you die." She
raised herself up in bed and with a pious look on her face said, "Don't
sell that cow.

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