[nilesfunnies] My favourite isn't one of mine. When I still lived and worked in

My favourite isn't one of mine. When I still lived and worked in London
there was a small cafe and sandwich shop nearby that we used most days
for lunch. One day the owner told us about a woman who'd wandered in
that
morning. She'd stood there for a few seconds looking at the tables with
their sauce bottles, the glass-fronted counters with their meats and
salads, the big fridge with the fizzy drinks and so on. "Is this'" she
finally asked with a look of hope, "the library?"

The utter genius of a sandwich-maker looked at her blankly for the
briefest moment and then put a finger to his lips and said, "Shhh!"

[nilesfunnies] I remember when the Daleks were a peace-loving species...

I remember when the Daleks were a peace-loving species...

...before they upgraded their operating system from xTermin 7.

[nilesfunnies] UN survey

UN survey
Last month the UN conducted a worldwide survey consisting of
one single question:

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions
to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure.

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant

In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant

In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant

In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant

In South America they didn't know what "please" meant

In the US they didn't know what "rest of the world" meant.